Google “sexy woman” and you’re sure to see images appear with women in provocative poses with either a pout or serious face. Have you seen these images and felt deceived after you tried to re-enact the seduction, only to end up in disaster? Let me tell you why it failed…

Because you weren’t being your true self in these moments!

On several occasions I’ve tried to do the sexy selfie, but I just can’t pull off the pout and end up looking like a distorted fish. It’s just not me. What’s my sexy selfie? Laughing!

The same applies to being sensual and seductive. Images everywhere portray the sexy woman with a serious face. Why are these women rarely smiling or laughing? I mean sex is fun! It’s not serious! Are these women not enjoying themselves?! Yes, you can take on role-play involving a serious atmosphere, especially if you are really getting into the scene, but every day regular sex should be about fun and pleasure.

Make sex your own!

So how do you be the ultimate sexy woman?

Firstly, be your true self.

What is your fundamental makeup – your values, morals, fears, aspirations? What is your self-talk? Confidence is the ultimate sexy trait and the only way you can exude confidence naturally is to be true to yourself and understand who you really are and be happy with yourself.

Secondly, be proud of the raunchy woman you are.

Your personality can impact your sexual self-esteem and consequently your sexual satisfaction. Research shows that women with higher sexual self-esteem experience more sexual pleasure and activities. Low sexual self-esteem leads to concerns about sexual ability, underestimation of personal rights in a sexual relationship and fighting against sexual identity. If you have a tendency to experience anxiety, tension, selfishness, hostility, shyness, irrational thinking and depression, this can negatively impacting your sexual self-esteem and body image. Rid yourself of these negative experiences and channel your extroversion, openness and agreeableness to boost your positive mood and your sexual self-esteem. These personality traits exhibit optimism, positive emotions, sociability, curiosity, imagination, wisdom, forgiveness and trust, all sexual desire boosters!

Thirdly, understand what being sexy means to you and do it for YOU.

Everyone’s idea of how to be sexy and their salaciousness is completely different. Explore your hidden fantasies and identify what you want to reveal to yourself, your partner or the world. Then reveal it for YOURSELF. It is important that YOU feel alluring and lustful. These feelings will transfer to others as long as you feel it first and when you feel sexy your pleasure and ecstasy will explode!

Fourthly, think of alternative ways to be tantalising.

If you really aren’t the sort of woman to pull off a successful sexy lap dance, what can you do to make it your own? If humour is a major personality trait, let it shine!  Perform a “silly seduction”. If you know you are likely to accidently kick your partner in the head as you swing your leg over, exaggerate the move and turn it into a silly section of the routine. By doing this you’ll both get a laugh, it won’t decrease your libido and no one will be rushed to hospital.

Want to participate in a teacher/student role-play but don’t feel comfortable wearing a sexy schoolgirl outfit? Who said you can’t wear an animal onesie or a turtle-neck jumper?! Maybe you were on your way to a friend’s house for a sleepover when you bumped into the teacher…Change the narrative to suit your personality.

Finally, laughter brings people together.

Laughter shows physiological, psychological, social, spiritual and quality of life benefits. For a huge mental health boost laugh during your sexual activities. Remember an orgasm releases significant amounts of oxytocin and laughter releases endorphins, so combine them together and you have yourself an incredible mood elevation cocktail!

 

Knowing your true self, letting your personality shine, and exuding confidence is the sexiest woman you can be.

Author: Vanessa Tarfon