Prolapse Archives - Authentic Awareness

Does sex make pelvic organ prolapse symptoms worse?

Vanessa Tarfon — Thu, 01 Jun 2023 03:01:55 +0000

Does sex make pelvic organ prolapse symptoms worse?

June 1, 2023
Posted by: Vanessa Tarfon
Category: Intimacy , Prolapse , Relationship , Sex ,

There are two burning questions when it comes to pelvic organ prolapse and sex. Can I have sex? Will sex make my prolapse symptoms worse? Here are the most important answers for individuals and couples working through pelvic organ prolapse and sex.

Do I need to give up sex with prolapse?

No, you do not need to give up your sex life nor should you.

Sex is important for your overall health and wellbeing. It improves your productivity and immune system, gives you energy and the boost of happy hormones helps circulate blood around your body.

Sex also helps your pelvic floor muscles. You contract and release the muscles in and around your groin, legs and abdomen regularly throughout your session. I’m not talking about doing kegel or physio-led exercises during sex. Consider these bonus-strengthening exercises whilst having fun.

Women consider giving up their sex life a lot quicker and easier than they do their physical or mental health, yet they all interrelate and form important parts of a whole.

Will sex make my pelvic organ prolapse worse?

No, sex will not make your prolapse worse OR create pelvic organ prolapse. As I said, sex helps work your muscles.

There are 2 ways your pelvic organ prolapse may SEEM worse during/after sex:

If you experience vaginal dryness, which many prolapse sufferers do, then a lack of adequate lubrication will cause irritation and pain from the friction. It’s easy to avoid irritation by using a good amount of lubricant and re-applying as needed.
The heavy, “my insides are falling out my vagina”, feeling MAY feel worse depending on what sexual activities you do and your level of arousal. Again, easily avoided by trial and error of the best positions that work for you and ensuring you are sufficiently aroused before attempting penetrative intercourse.

How can I minimise sex worsening my prolapse symptoms?

Understanding sex

Expand your understanding of sex. Sex includes all sexual activities not just penetrative intercourse. 26% of the body’s surface is erogenous zones including the thighs, neck, breasts, stomach, feet, lips, ears and more! Slow down your sex sessions and spend time on areas all over your body before reaching your genitals. Women need at least 20 minutes to move their desire and arousal to a sufficient level to make penetrative intercourse pleasurable and comfortable so don’t rush. REMEMBER, a sex session doesn’t need to include penetrative intercourse. For women, the external clitoris is the most pleasurable spot to activate for an orgasm.

Lubrication

Lubrication is essential. There’s a lot on the market and it’ll take trial and error to find your preferred brand and type. Or, contact me for advice or recommendations.

Prolapse positions

Consider the positions you are in during any sexual activity. Avoid positions where gravity is working against you. For example, cowgirl or standing aren’t going to be your best friend so avoid those.

Positions that will work are:

lying on your back and adding pillows or supports under your lower back and backside to raise your pelvis will reduce pressure
doggy style on the bed with your shoulders and head on the bed so only your backside is in the air, or lying flat on your front with pillows or supports under your stomach and pelvis changes the angle and pressure
lying on your side with your partner straddling your lower leg allows for both penetration and manual stimulation simultaneously and is a variation on your partner spooning you so you can maintain eye contact.
If you’ve got great strength and flexibility, raise your backside and back completely off the bed (like a yoga bridge pose) and have either your legs over your partner’s shoulders or keep your feet planted for simultaneous penetrative and manual stimulation.

Don’t think that intercourse with pelvic organ prolapse is boring and there are only a couple of positions for you. There are endless positions and alternatives to try! Exploring different positions isn’t just for people with prolapse ALL couples are exploring for maximum comfort and pleasure.

Should I give up my sex toys?

Absolutely not! No one should ever give up a sex toy, they are one of life’s earliest inventions for a reason!

Sex toys are a full-body experience. There are toys for all over your body and even those designed for your genitals are not exclusive.

Vibrators don’t need to involve penetration. Many are designed for external use only and you may find these more comfortable. Clitoris-sucking vibrators do generally feel stronger because of the way they suck or pulse air. The most important thing to remember with these is to start slowly and create an air gap between your skin and the device if you need to reduce the strength. Avoid capturing any internal tissue as this may cause you some discomfort.

If you have rectal prolapse butt plugs or any toy inserted into your rectum are not recommended.

Lube is life for you and your toys so use lubricant with sex toys!

Don’t let anyone, even a doctor, tell you that you need to stop having sex! It’s incorrect and takes a narrow view of what sex is and the enjoyment and fulfillment that it brings people. Prolapse and sex will always co-exist.

Contact me directly for more advice.

Author: Vanessa Tarfon

The post Does sex make pelvic organ prolapse symptoms worse? appeared first on Authentic Awareness.

Rescue painful sex with 5 easy arousal and timing boosting steps

Vanessa Tarfon — Sun, 02 Apr 2023 01:00:26 +0000

Rescue painful sex with 5 easy arousal and timing boosting steps

April 2, 2023
Posted by: Vanessa Tarfon
Category: Intimacy , Prolapse , Relationship , Sex ,

No Comments

Postpartum sex is painful the first few times. We accept this as fact and push through until hopefully, we come out the other side. BUT is it accurate?

Pain is our body’s way of saying, “stop I don’t like it”. Sex is a pleasurable activity meaning painful sex isn’t servicing our pleasurable needs.

What pain is acceptable?

Short answer…zero, and yes it’s possible.

Painful sex has some fancy names associated with it. Firstly, let’s simplify and understand the difference:

Dyspareunia

Dyspareunia describes genital pain that is associated with sexual intercourse causing marked distress or interpersonal difficulty. This is the fancy name for painful intercourse.

Vaginismus

Vaginismus describes the persistent involuntary contraction of the perineal muscles surrounding the outer third of the vagina when vaginal penetration is attempted interfering with sexual intercourse and causing marked distress or interpersonal difficulty. This is a fancy name for the body subconsciously blocking access to the vagina.

Despite pain being a very physical occurrence when it comes to painful sex the reasons are more psychological than physical.

What causes painful sex?

Painful sex is often based on anxiety and fear. 3 common reasons women experience postpartum painful sex (dyspareunia or vaginismus) are:

Birth or pregnancy trauma – this can be both psychological or physical trauma
Fear of another pregnancy
Body image or self-image anxiety

Response Anxiety

All 3 reasons can cause response anxiety. Response anxiety is a strong stress reaction. Response anxiety is when you become anxious and tense because you don’t know what will happen next. For example, you have body image concerns about your mummy tummy and don’t want it touched. Your partner comes and starts shoulders. You fear that their next spot to touch is your stomach, so you tense your body and anxious thoughts flood your mind. Response anxiety decreases sexual desire and arousal, reducing lubrication and can also cause vaginismus.

Change your expectations and understanding of pain and discomfort. Early postpartum sex MAY have some short-term discomfort but NOT pain.

How do you reduce discomfort?

Saying bye to painful sex is about arousal and timing.

Here are 5 steps to lift your arousal to an appropriate level and time penetrative intercourse perfectly for pleasure.

Technique #1 – Feed your mind

Your brain is your biggest sex organ. Mothers miss romance and being pursued. Women need slow and steady sexual stimuli for their sexual desire to respond to. The more you desire sex the more your body will arouse and lubricate ready for sex. What intimate acts or words do you want to see or hear throughout the day to build your sexual desire? These can be things you do or things you ask your partner to do.

Technique #2 – Know yourself

Women are known for faking pleasure and orgasms. Why we allow it to continue is another question. Explore your body and accept your sexual self to take control of your pleasure. Mothers don’t have time for activities that aren’t enjoyable and sex is housed in the reward centre of your brain. What you accepted pre-pregnancy may no longer be acceptable postpartum. Your body and genital sensitivity can change postpartum so it’s not unusual to redefine what brings you enjoyment. Self-pleasure is about discovery, fun and confidence.

Technique #3 – Pre-game pep talk

Communicate your needs to your partner before sex. Tell them that you need time before you attempt penetration. This includes things you need throughout the day, and things you need once you start your sexual activity. Don’t forget to express your feelings during sex. Women respond internally. Your partner has no idea whether something is working unless you tell them!

If you experience response anxiety, ask your partner to describe what actions they want to do next and wait for your ‘yay or nay’ response before they do it. This will help you relax and be in control during sex.

Technique #4 – Different acts

We learn from a young age that penile-vaginal intercourse is the pinnacle of sex. There’s so much more fun to have if you are willing! Redefine sex in your relationship and exhaust other sexual activities before you attempt penetrative intercourse. Think about a play it has several acts before the climax. Remember you DON’T NEED to include intercourse every time and it will not make that occasion any less enjoyable.

Technique #5 – Breathe through it

When it’s time for penetration relaxation breathing techniques are extremely useful. Tense your pelvic floor muscles when you inhale for 3 seconds, and then relax all your muscles as you exhale for 4 seconds. You can also hold the penis or object inside your vagina without moving whilst you breathe, relax and your body accepts the new sensation.

Be a sexual explorer and say no to postpartum painful sex. Pain is not an acceptable expectation of a pleasurable activity.

Author: Vanessa Tarfon

The post Rescue painful sex with 5 easy arousal and timing boosting steps appeared first on Authentic Awareness.

Pelvic Organ Prolapse and Sex

Vanessa Tarfon — Mon, 05 Sep 2022 01:57:03 +0000

Pelvic Organ Prolapse and Sex

September 5, 2022
Posted by: Vanessa Tarfon
Category: Prolapse , Self image , Sensual Self , Sex ,

No Comments

Pelvic Organ Prolapse (POP) can be a debilitating condition with life-altering effects including intimate relationships. Sexual health has important positive impacts on our overall wellbeing, physical and mental health, but what happens when sex seems impossible?

In Australia, it’s estimated that at least half of women who have had more than one child experience pelvic organ prolapse.

Pelvic organ prolapse occurs when one of the pelvic organs sags and may bulge or protrude into the vagina. There are several types and grades of prolapse with many women being asymptomatic. Others report vaginal pressure or heaviness, a vaginal bulge that can be seen or felt, irritation, sexual problems or incontinence.

Not exactly a recipe for sexual excitement!

The 2 biggest concerns when it comes to sex and prolapse

Sexual self-image

Body image and sexual self-image are the biggest causes of a reduced sex life. Women with pelvic organ prolapse can feel undesirable, embarrassed, ashamed and insecure.

They are also concerned about what their partner may see or feel during sex because they may not even want to see or feel their genitals.

Communication

54% of mothers aren’t confident to discuss sex-related problems. Women with POP find it difficult to speak to their partner about:

Sexual pain/discomfort
Incontinence during sex
Different sexual activities such as oral sex. Is it a yes or a no-go?
Fear of the unknown. Will sex make the prolapse worse? Will I be incontinent?
Pessary use during sex

Is sex with prolapse possible?

Absolutely!

Sex includes a plethora of activities. Sex is not penetrative intercourse. There are many ways to remain intimate and sexually active in your relationship with prolapse.

You can even use sex toys! 26% of your body’s surface is erogenous zones. There’s a huge array of toys on the market today to explore the endless possibilities your body has to offer.

Sex with a pessary

Sex with a pessary is possible. Only some pessaries are removable so if intimacy is important to you and your relationship, where possible, request a removable pessary.

In one study of sexually active pessary users, 70% removed their pessary for sexual intercourse, often due to partner preferences. It is clear from several studies that the partner’s opinion on sex with a pessary was highly influential. Often it’s removed because the partner can feel it or is concerned that it will hurt the woman.

Whether you want to remove the pessary or not is up to you as a couple considering pain reduction, pleasure enhancement and comfort.

What’s the best approach to sex with prolapse?

If it’s been a while since you have been intimate, sex can be stressful. Take the stress out of sex with:

Partner Communication

It’s time to have that awkward conversation! Grab a drink and sit down with your partner and talk about:

How you see yourself as a sexual person
How important intimacy and sex are to you
What your biggest concerns are when it comes to having sex
What your boundaries are, what you are willing to do and try and what you don’t want to do

This awkward conversation is going to help remove your anxiety because you and your partner have developed a game plan to move forward.

Touch Techniques

Touch is important for connection and increasing sexual desire. Consider touch variations of pressure, vibration, temperature and location.

Non-genital touch sessions are great to start with by taking the pressure off a session heading too far or in a direction you aren’t ready for.

Genital touch doesn’t need to be skin-to-skin. Keep your underwear on until you feel comfortable to remove them.

Intercourse Ideas

Try lots of different positions until you find the ones that work best for you. Missionary is often thought of as male-dominant because they are on top, but you can take control from the bottom. For example, telling your partner to straighten their legs and support themselves on their elbows will automatically limit movement. Consider positions where gravity is working with you not against you.

Tools of the trade

Lubricant: grab a good lubricant that’s going to last. Silicone-based are thicker and longer lasting than water-based. My favourite is Lucy Lube. It’s TGA approved and surprisingly thick for a water-based. Don’t be shy to reapply!
Ohnut: a set of 4 rings that act as a buffer and are used to stop penetrative pain. It’s great for easing back into penetrative intercourse and if you do wear a pessary during intercourse and YOU find it more comfortable but your partner complains they can feel it, the ohnut may be enough of a buffer to prevent them from touching it.
Squirt blanket: If incontinence is a concern grab a squirt blanket and a towel. Use the waterproof blanket to protect your bedding and a hand towel in case you need to wipe. These versatile blankets can be used during your period, if you use a natural lubricant or whilst doing some food play.

Confidently get back in the saddle and enjoy your sexual health and all its benefits.

After additional information? Grab a copy of your FREE Sex and Prolapse Fact Sheet here.

Author: Vanessa Tarfon

The post Pelvic Organ Prolapse and Sex appeared first on Authentic Awareness.