1. High-Quality Lubricants: Comfort Is Care

Why lubricant matters for sexual health

Lube is Life!

Reduced lubrication is common with hormonal changes, menopause and ageing, and it’s one of the most searched reasons sex becomes uncomfortable. A high-quality (sorry not supermarket ones) lubricant can reduce friction, ease discomfort and help the body relax into sensation.

When the body feels safe, pleasure is far more accessible.

What to look for in a body-safe lubricant:

• pH-balanced and vulva-friendly
• Free from fragrances or harsh additives
• Designed for sensitive or menopausal tissue

Gifting a lubricant isn’t unromantic, it’s practical and deeply caring, acknowledging that comfort matters.

Recommended Brands:

• Ellechemy (enjoy 10% off with code: VANESSATARFON10)
• Olive and Bee
• Yes Organics

2. External Vibrators: Supporting Arousal  Without Pressure

Are vibrators good for sexual wellness?

Yes! Especially external vibrators.

External vibrators support blood flow to genital tissue, nerve stimulation and arousal all of which are important for sexual health as we age.

For many women, especially those experiencing hormonal changes, arousal doesn’t happen spontaneously (surprise!). Gentle external stimulation can help the body warm up without pressure or expectation and they can be used anywhere on the external body (don’t restrict yourself please!).

What to look for when gifting a vibrator

• External rather than internal designs (although internal ones can also be used externally)
• Simple, discreet shape
• Quiet, non-intimidating options (loud rumbling/whirring sounds is a turn off, especially if you’re nervous kids will wake up and ask, “what’s that noise?”).

This isn’t about “fixing” desire it’s about supporting the body’s natural response.

Recommended Options:

• Dame – Fin
• Deia – Feather tickler
• Happymash – Pause Clitoris Clip
• Love My Feels – Tease

3. Sensual Massage Oils: Touch Without Expectation

Massage oils create opportunities for intimacy that aren’t goal-oriented. Touch without expectation can calm the nervous system, increase connection and rebuild trust in physical closeness.

How to use massage for connection (not pressure)

• Frame it as relaxation, not foreplay
• Remove expectations of sex afterwards
• Focus on presence, not outcome

For many long-term couples, this type of touch feels more nourishing than sexual activity itself.

Recommended Brands:

• Banana Passion (use code: AUTHENTIC10 for 10% OFF)
• Integrity Candles

4. Books and Conversation Tools: Intimacy Beyond the Body

Intimacy doesn’t start in the bedroom.

Books and tools can:

• Normalise changing desire and pleasure
• Support conversations about menopause and sex
• Reduce shame and confusion around intimacy

Thoughtful sexual wellness gift ideas

• Books on women’s sexual health or midlife intimacy
• Card decks or guided conversation tools
• A session with a qualified Sex Therapist

These gifts say: I care about how you experience intimacy, not just what we do.

Recommendations:

• Come Together by Emily Nagoski – perfect for curious minds who want to understand desire, arousal and intimacy on a deeper psychological level.
• Marypause by Mary Coustas – funny, relatable and informative, this book naturally opens menopause conversations. Research shows that when both partners understand and hold a positive mindset around menopause, the experience and symptoms can feel far more manageable.
• The Adventure Challenge (connection-focused date ideas)

5. How You Gift Matters More Than What You Gift

A sexual wellness gift should never come with pressure. The most important part of giving is how it’s framed.

Supportive language sounds like:

• “I thought this might support your comfort.”
• “There’s no expectation, just something to explore if and when you want.”
• “This is about care and connection, not obligation.”

When gifts feel safe, they’re far more likely to be received with openness rather than anxiety.

Here’s the truth: not everyone can squirt, and even if you can, it’s not guaranteed to happen every time. Some people discover it accidentally, others spend ages trying to figure it out. And some never do and that’s perfectly okay.

One study found that around 40% of women had squirted at least once, and two-thirds said it happened unintentionally the first time. Most people who squirt don’t do it regularly, and only a small percentage say they always orgasm and squirt together. Because yes it doesn’t always happen simultaneously! A Swedish study found similar patterns: 58% had experienced squirting or female ejaculation, but only 7% got it consistently, and about 52% only occasionally. In other words, it’s not as common or predictable as the internet and novels makes it seem.

Anorgasmia is an umbrella term referring to persistent difficulty or inability to reach orgasm despite adequate stimulation and arousal. It can show up suddenly in midlife or be a lifelong experience. While many women are told “you just need to relax” or “you’ll grow out of it,” the truth is far more layered, especially during hormonal transitions like perimenopause and menopause.

Many of us were raised in environments where touching ourselves was taboo. I work with women who have never touched themselves at all because they were told it was dirty. Others feared pregnancy so deeply that the idea of desire was always tied to anxiety. For many, being sexual was dangerous, risky, or just something that invited judgment. That programming doesn’t just vanish when we hit adulthood.

So, if you’re now exploring your body and desire for the first time, it’s not because you missed something, it’s because you’re finally giving yourself permission to heal and reconnect. That’s powerful.