Why I Say No (At First) to People Wanting to Open Their Relationship

If you’re wondering how to open your relationship in a healthy way, here’s what really matters:

Communication Is Non-Negotiable

Yes, it sounds like a cliché but in ENM, communication isn’t just important, it’s the whole damn game.

You need to have open, ongoing, real conversations about:

• Desires and fears (What do you each want to experience? What if one of you falls in love with someone else?)
• Time and scheduling (Do you want a shared calendar or total freedom?)
• Sexual and emotional boundaries (Who can you sleep with? Who can’t you?)
• Safer sex practices (Condoms, testing, all of it)
• Jealousy and insecurity (Yep, people get jealous how will you handle it?)
• What happens if one of you wants to stop?

And these chats don’t just happen once. They’re part of the lifestyle. If your communication isn’t solid now, opening your relationship won’t magically make you better talkers. In fact, it’ll likely bring unspoken resentments to the surface.

Sexual Health in Open Relationships Goes Beyond STI Testing

Yes, regular STI screening is essential in any open relationship. But sexual health in ENM also means:

• Being confident using protection
• Knowing your own limits and turn-ons
• Navigating consent with new partners
• Feeling empowered and safe, not confused or overwhelmed

ENM often brings a flood of new experiences and dynamics some hot, some confusing. Are you ready to speak up, say no, ask questions, and take responsibility for your pleasure and protection?

And be honest, are you looking to explore new desires, or are you just avoiding dissatisfaction in your current sex life?

Emotional Health: ENM Is Not a Quick Fix

ENM will not fix disconnection, revive a dead bedroom, or heal your self-esteem.

If you’re feeling lonely, bored, or resentful in your relationship, adding another person (or three) won’t solve it. It will just amplify what’s already there.

On the flip side, if you’ve done the inner work, if you know what you want, trust each other, and communicate clearly, ENM can be deeply fulfilling. But you’ve got to do the prep work first.

Every ENM Relationship Looks Different – Know What You Want

There’s no single way to “do” ENM. Some couples:

• Only have sexual experiences together
• Date separately with clear agreements
• Form deep romantic relationships with multiple partners
• Avoid labels altogether and practise relationship anarchy

The key question is: what do you want this to look like?

Ask yourself:

• Why do I want to explore ENM?
• What kind of relationships am I open to?
• Does this align with my values and lifestyle?
• How will I manage judgment from family or friends?
• Do I have the right emotional and community support?

Understanding your why will guide the how, and help you navigate the inevitable challenges that come with living outside traditional relationship norms.