If you want sex but don’t feel aroused, the solution is slowing down.

Rebuilding begins outside intercourse. It might look like:

• Longer, pressure-free touch – taking time to explore your own and/or your partner’s body to rediscover pleasure zones you never realised including having an orgasm with no touch at all

• Taking penetration off the table temporarily – this is not the pinnacle sex act…I wonder what options you’ll discover when you take penile-vaginal intercourse away

• Exploring different types of stimulation – textures, pressure, temperatures, and locations

• Using lubricant early, not as an afterthought

• Reconnecting with self-pleasure without performance pressure – rediscover what and how your body responds. Arousal pathways change, sensitivity shifts, rhythm and pressure preferences evolve. Embrace the feels further with a Love My Feels vibrator (use code: vanessa10 for 10% off)

Because penetrative intercourse is still socially positioned as the “main event” of sex, many couples unconsciously prioritise finishing over pleasure.

When erections are unreliable or anxiety is high, sex may end quickly. Many women respond by making themselves smaller.

They stop asking for oral sex, guiding hands, and advocating for their orgasm.

Research and clinical experience consistently show that women are far less likely to orgasm from penetrative sex alone, yet many stop asking for additional stimulation to protect their partner’s confidence.

They say, “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

But emotionally, the cost is high:

• Resentment builds
• Desire shuts down
• Erotic identity fades
• Emotional distance grows

This is how women end up sexually lonely inside otherwise loving relationships.

If pain, discomfort, or dryness is holding you back, there are solutions:

Lubricants:

A game-changer for vaginal dryness. Water-based (like YES WB) and silicone-based (like Uberlube) options help ease discomfort.

Ohnut:

If penetration is painful, these rings help control depth, making sex more comfortable.

Sensory Play:

Instead of focusing on penetration, explore erogenous zones like the neck, back, or thighs with gentle touch, feathers, or warm oils.

Waterproof Blankets:

If incontinence or post-surgery concerns make intimacy stressful, products like waterproof blankets (sold as “squirt blankets”) can ease your worries.

Here’s the thing: It’s not just about physical pleasure. Women want to feel cherished, adored, and understood. When you focus on making her feel special, everything else will fall into place.

Must-know tips:

1. She needs at least 20 minutes of manual and oral play before you even think about penetrative intercourse.
2. Worship her body and make her feel sexy – you will be rewarded.
3. She comes first, always and yes this is likely through manual or oral play.
4. The more sexually satisfied she is, the more she’ll naturally crave more intimacy.

Sexual intimacy isn’t just about physical pleasure, it’s about fuelling your emotional and physical well-being. Here’s how prioritising intimacy can transform your life:

Increase in Positive Hormones – During intimacy your body releases happy hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, which boost your mood, deepen connections, and help you feel more content.

Mental Clarity and Energy – Feeling frazzled? Intimacy is a natural stress reliever. Regular moments of connection can clear your mind, boost your focus, and give you the energy to tackle life’s demands.

Stronger Relationships – Physical closeness strengthens emotional bonds, creating a foundation of trust, support, and understanding with your partner.

Boost in Self-Confidence – Adopting your sexuality, enhances your self-image, helping you feel more empowered, sexy, and capable in every aspect of life.

Small yet mighty, the Dame Fin finger vibrator is perfect for solo use or adding an extra thrill while your partner is in motion because yes women commonly need clitoral stimulation at the same time as penetration to explode. This little wonder packs a punch, fitting neatly between your fingers for easy, precise stimulation.

Here’s another question: Is your libido truly low, or is it just not responding to the type of stimulation that excites you? For many women, desire doesn’t just appear out of nowhere, it often requires an emotional or situational buildup.

• Spontaneous: This is when you suddenly feel aroused in response to sexual stimuli. About 75% of men and 15% of women experience this.
• Responsive: Here, your mind and body need something sexual to respond to, creating a cycle of desire, arousal and reward. This form of desire works for about 5% of men and 30% of women.

Maybe you need more connection, affection, or even practical help around the house before feeling “in the mood.”

Alternatively, your relationship might have fallen into a rut of routine and monotony, leaving sex feeling uninspired. Recognising that boredom is the issue can be the first step in rediscovering excitement.

Good news – it’s all treatable!

Here’s the catch: setting a specific weekly target can turn sex into a chore. We’ve all seen the headlines suggesting the “perfect” number of times couples should be having sex, but when you don’t hit that number, it can lead to disappointment and stress. Remember, sex is about connection, satisfaction, and enjoyment – quality over quantity every time!

Face-to-Face Positions: Windows to the Soul

Face-to-face positions are a game-changer. Many people automatically close their eyes or look away during sex, either to heighten their sensations or to retreat into their fantasies. But the real magic happens when you lock eyes with your partner and verbally communicate. Talking during sex takes many forms. Sometimes it’s dirty/nasty speak, sometimes it’s about what you see or feel, and other times it’s giving instruction. Looking at your partner gives you the best opportunity to connect, talk, and see how your words affect them.

Observing Non-Verbal Cues: Heightened Pleasure

When you’re tuned into your partner’s facial expressions and body language, it’s like tuning into a private channel of intimacy. Every smile, gasp, and quiver not only tells you that they’re enjoying themselves but also heightens your arousal because you are hitting the spot! This mutual awareness fuels a cycle of pleasure and connection, making the experience richer and more satisfying.

Take Your Time: Exploring Your Partner’s Body

Don’t rush. Enjoy the moment and take your time because women need at least 20 minutes of physical full-body exploration and foreplay before penetration. Taking the time to explore your partner’s body helps build anticipation and arousal, ensuring that both partners are fully engaged and satisfied. This full-body exploration creates a deeper emotional and physical connection, enhancing overall sexual satisfaction.

The Open-Eye Orgasm: A Deeper Connection

Yes, it’s a thing! An open-eye orgasm isn’t just a fantasy; it’s a transformative experience that bridges the gap between physical pleasure and deep emotional connection. When you maintain eye contact during sex and while your orgasm is ripping through you, you’re opening a window to your soul. This vulnerability and connection can turn a good sexual experience into an unforgettable one.

69

The ultimate in mutual pleasure, where giving and receiving happen in perfect harmony electrifying his pleasure. Note: it’s not as pleasurable for women, but she’ll still enjoy herself.

Fellatio Female Above

Pure relaxation with an unbeatable view when his head is propped on a pillow.

Kneeling Rear Entry (Doggy Style)

Men love the view, with the added thrill of access to their partner’s rear for extra playful touches. You can also change the sensation slightly by either having your knees outside your partner’s, making their thighs squeeze together tighter, or have your knees on the inside, which allows theirs to drop open, giving you more depth.

Supine Female Above (Reverse Cowgirl)

Deep, intense, and perfect for caressing, allowing the man to lay back and enjoy.

Face-to-Face Man-on-Top

Masterful control of depth and movement, enriched by intimate communication and sensual touches. Knowing your partner is feeling pleasure heightens your own pleasure.