How to navigate your sex life through perimenopause after kids

I write and speak extensively about postpartum sexual health concerns, but what happens when we start to head into perimenopause territory? Are we missing signs because our body and mind haven’t recovered after having kids before we start perimenopause?

I, like many people, chose to have children later in life after enjoying my youthful 20s. After a recent discussion with some girlfriends I realised that as I’m heading towards a new decade next year, menopause is no longer my mum’s generation’s problem! My friends’ conversations are already starting to hint at perimenopausal symptoms! 

How do you know if your lack of libido is postpartum-related or perimenopause?

In Australia, in 2021 the average first-time mother was 29 years old, and 38% of all mothers having babies were between 30 and 34 years old. Maternal age has consistently been rising.

Women can start perimenopause at any age but it is most common to start in your mid-40s. 

Realistically, if you are 32 years old when you have your baby and you do NOTHING about improving your sexual health and relationship, the average time to see postpartum improvements is 10 years. This means you are 42 years old when you start to feel sexually and romantically revived. You’ve got about 5 years until things potentially start on a downward track again!

Perimenopause and menopause symptoms

Here’s what to expect as you transition to perimenopause and menopause. If you’re a mum how many of these look familiar?! 

Psychological symptoms

• Mood swings
• Anger
• Low libido/difficulty reaching orgasm
• Difficulty accepting current health state

These symptoms negatively impact overall confidence and self-image (including “feeling old”), sexual desire and relationship connection.

Physical/somatic symptoms

• Pelvic floor weakness
• Incontinence
• Prolapse
• Vaginal dryness
• Vaginal tissue thinning and size
• Hot flashes
• Night sweats
• Sleeping disorders
• Muscle and joint pain
• Sore breasts 
• Weight gain

These symptoms negatively impact body image, overall sense of wellbeing, and sexual functioning such as lubrication causing sexual pain and discomfort.

69% of menopausal women experience sexual problems around the world. 

If you are a mum struggling with these symptoms through postpartum and haven’t started perimenopause, join the Mama’s Sensual Safari now and start making changes early.

3 easy steps to navigate your sex life through perimenopause and menopause

Stay active

There is a link between more physical activity and less sexual problems so staying active is important for your mental, physical and sexual health. Sexually there is also a link between orgasm frequency and sexual activity frequency so the more you stay sexually active the more your body will respond to pleasure

Communication

If you’re in a relationship, don’t think that you are the only one affected by age. Men also experience age-related sexual health changes. For example, increasing erectile dysfunction, reduction in morning erections and lower libido. It’s not unusual for men to NEED to ejaculate and release their semen as their body produces more and needs to rid itself of the old. As men age this need for the body to rid itself of the “old” reduces. 

You and your partner must communicate about your sexual health because a decline in your sex life could likely be because you are BOTH experiencing changes but are BOTH too embarrassed to discuss it.

Body image work

Positive self-messaging and sensual self-massages are important ways to accept your body and its changes and ensure your nerves continue to activate to pleasurable touch. Contact me directly for more instructions.

Men and women lack adequate sex education to understand their bodies as they age, let alone educate them on the opposite sex. Contact me, or a health professional and get the information you need to help maintain a healthy sex life now and into the future.