Because penetrative intercourse is still socially positioned as the “main event” of sex, many couples unconsciously prioritise finishing over pleasure.

When erections are unreliable or anxiety is high, sex may end quickly. Many women respond by making themselves smaller.

They stop asking for oral sex, guiding hands, and advocating for their orgasm.

Research and clinical experience consistently show that women are far less likely to orgasm from penetrative sex alone, yet many stop asking for additional stimulation to protect their partner’s confidence.

They say, “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

But emotionally, the cost is high:

• Resentment builds
• Desire shuts down
• Erotic identity fades
• Emotional distance grows

This is how women end up sexually lonely inside otherwise loving relationships.

If pain, discomfort, or dryness is holding you back, there are solutions:

Lubricants:

A game-changer for vaginal dryness. Water-based (like YES WB) and silicone-based (like Uberlube) options help ease discomfort.

Ohnut:

If penetration is painful, these rings help control depth, making sex more comfortable.

Sensory Play:

Instead of focusing on penetration, explore erogenous zones like the neck, back, or thighs with gentle touch, feathers, or warm oils.

Waterproof Blankets:

If incontinence or post-surgery concerns make intimacy stressful, products like waterproof blankets (sold as “squirt blankets”) can ease your worries.

Here’s the thing: It’s not just about physical pleasure. Women want to feel cherished, adored, and understood. When you focus on making her feel special, everything else will fall into place.

Must-know tips:

1. She needs at least 20 minutes of manual and oral play before you even think about penetrative intercourse.
2. Worship her body and make her feel sexy – you will be rewarded.
3. She comes first, always and yes this is likely through manual or oral play.
4. The more sexually satisfied she is, the more she’ll naturally crave more intimacy.

Sexual intimacy isn’t just about physical pleasure, it’s about fuelling your emotional and physical well-being. Here’s how prioritising intimacy can transform your life:

Increase in Positive Hormones – During intimacy your body releases happy hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, which boost your mood, deepen connections, and help you feel more content.

Mental Clarity and Energy – Feeling frazzled? Intimacy is a natural stress reliever. Regular moments of connection can clear your mind, boost your focus, and give you the energy to tackle life’s demands.

Stronger Relationships – Physical closeness strengthens emotional bonds, creating a foundation of trust, support, and understanding with your partner.

Boost in Self-Confidence – Adopting your sexuality, enhances your self-image, helping you feel more empowered, sexy, and capable in every aspect of life.

Here’s the catch: setting a specific weekly target can turn sex into a chore. We’ve all seen the headlines suggesting the “perfect” number of times couples should be having sex, but when you don’t hit that number, it can lead to disappointment and stress. Remember, sex is about connection, satisfaction, and enjoyment – quality over quantity every time!

Face-to-Face Positions: Windows to the Soul

Face-to-face positions are a game-changer. Many people automatically close their eyes or look away during sex, either to heighten their sensations or to retreat into their fantasies. But the real magic happens when you lock eyes with your partner and verbally communicate. Talking during sex takes many forms. Sometimes it’s dirty/nasty speak, sometimes it’s about what you see or feel, and other times it’s giving instruction. Looking at your partner gives you the best opportunity to connect, talk, and see how your words affect them.

Observing Non-Verbal Cues: Heightened Pleasure

When you’re tuned into your partner’s facial expressions and body language, it’s like tuning into a private channel of intimacy. Every smile, gasp, and quiver not only tells you that they’re enjoying themselves but also heightens your arousal because you are hitting the spot! This mutual awareness fuels a cycle of pleasure and connection, making the experience richer and more satisfying.

Take Your Time: Exploring Your Partner’s Body

Don’t rush. Enjoy the moment and take your time because women need at least 20 minutes of physical full-body exploration and foreplay before penetration. Taking the time to explore your partner’s body helps build anticipation and arousal, ensuring that both partners are fully engaged and satisfied. This full-body exploration creates a deeper emotional and physical connection, enhancing overall sexual satisfaction.

The Open-Eye Orgasm: A Deeper Connection

Yes, it’s a thing! An open-eye orgasm isn’t just a fantasy; it’s a transformative experience that bridges the gap between physical pleasure and deep emotional connection. When you maintain eye contact during sex and while your orgasm is ripping through you, you’re opening a window to your soul. This vulnerability and connection can turn a good sexual experience into an unforgettable one.

69

The ultimate in mutual pleasure, where giving and receiving happen in perfect harmony electrifying his pleasure. Note: it’s not as pleasurable for women, but she’ll still enjoy herself.

Fellatio Female Above

Pure relaxation with an unbeatable view when his head is propped on a pillow.

Kneeling Rear Entry (Doggy Style)

Men love the view, with the added thrill of access to their partner’s rear for extra playful touches. You can also change the sensation slightly by either having your knees outside your partner’s, making their thighs squeeze together tighter, or have your knees on the inside, which allows theirs to drop open, giving you more depth.

Supine Female Above (Reverse Cowgirl)

Deep, intense, and perfect for caressing, allowing the man to lay back and enjoy.

Face-to-Face Man-on-Top

Masterful control of depth and movement, enriched by intimate communication and sensual touches. Knowing your partner is feeling pleasure heightens your own pleasure.

Get ready to meet your new best friend: the clitoris. This powerhouse of pleasure holds the key to unlocking orgasmic paradise. By combining clitoral stimulation with penetration, you’re setting the stage for a symphony of sensations that will leave you breathless.

Women orgasm 51-60% of the time during assisted intercourse versus only 21-30% of the time during penetration only. 

Here is exactly what you need to know to fix your challenges when you lack time, energy and communication capacity.

The time battle

As a parent, I get it. Even when you pre-plan something often happens to ruin your plans. There is a misconception that for intimacy or intimate conversations, you need a large amount of time, an hour or 2. It seems impossible to carve that much time out.

Depending on your goal, whether it be intimacy itself or a conversation about intimate issues you do not need this length of time.

Conversations can happen across several short chats and intimacy acts vary in length each time.

The recipe you need:

• Write down your average day with time allocations. Pockets of time will appear
• Decide what your primary goal is. Is it to reawaken your sexuality, revive your body image or is it to communicate with your partner about issues?
• Block out a regular pocket of time to meet your goal – this might be daily, bi-daily or weekly.
• How big a time pocket will you need?
  • Mums can make changes to their sexual self-image with 10 minutes a day
  • Intimate conversations can be in short chats of 15-20 minutes (write down where you left off if you need to pick up at the same spot next time)
  • Intimate acts will vary depending on your enjoyment and the activity itself, the main thing to remember is not to rush – we want quality sex not quantity sex

The energy battle

When you find those pockets of time, block a couple out to rest and be alone. Whether it be to have the mental capacity for an intimate conversation, or whether you need physical and mental energy to get in the mood for intimacy you need time to yourself to revive. You can do it in as little as 5 minutes.

The recipe you need:

• Sit alone in your room or a space
• Close your eyes and take deep calming breathes
• Run your hands over your body with a gentle, featherlike touch
• Allow yourself to just relax and feel the sensations

The communication battle

54% of mums find it difficult to discuss sex and sex-related problems. They’re scared to talk to their partner about what they are feeling or thinking because of self-judgment, lack of sexual health understanding and pre-conceived ideas about women’s roles in relationships.

Many people also don’t have the right vocabulary to be able to communicate with each other about what the problem is and what they want the solution to be.

The recipe you need:

• Sit down with your partner during your allocation time pocket and set ground rules first. That way everyone knows what is happening and when to take a break if they need.

Here are some rule ideas:

• Don’t start a discussion with negativity
• Be aware of the four horsemen – criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling
• Provide constructive criticism and allow the discussion to highlight solutions. Outline what the issue is, why it is an issue or you haven’t mentioned it before, and how you are going to or want to move forward.
• Body language –maintain an open space and be aware of any changes in your body particularly negative ones.
• Openness and honesty is paramount.
• Make it clear that you want to improve your relationship and connection with each other.
• Raise your concerns using “I” statements – for example, I feel, I find, I value
• Work out solutions together as a team and hold each other accountable.

Every person and relationship is different. To truly overcome challenges the only necessity is that you feel strongly motivated to do the work and prioritise yourself and your relationship.

If you can do that then you are well on your way to busting through your postpartum challenges.