Why Oral Sex Gets More Important With Age, Not Less
Vanessa Tarfon
1 Sep 2026 – 3 min read
There’s an assumption in how we talk about ageing and sex: that somewhere around retirement age, oral sex just quietly…stops. Like a hobby you used to have when you were young and sprightly!
Not even remotely accurate.
Do Older Couples Still Have Oral Sex? Yes, Here's the Research
A study looking at older couples where the average age was 71 for men and 67 for women, found that 37% of them had given or received oral sex in the past 12 months. Not “tried it once as a wedding anniversary speciality”, or “I wonder what the kids are doing these days”. But regularly, as part of an ongoing sex life. If your mental image of a 70-something’s sex life doesn’t include this, that’s a gap in your imagination, not a gap in their bedroom.
Why Oral Sex and Relationship Quality Are Linked
Here’s the part that’s more important than the number. Researchers found that people who felt more supported by their partner, and less strained in the relationship generally, were the ones giving oral sex more often. Not the other way around, where oral sex was being used to fix a broken relationship. Emotional connection in the relationship is driving behaviour.
That reframes the whole conversation. Oral sex isn’t an “add-on” you deploy to spice things up when the usual routine goes stale. It’s something that shows up more in relationships where people already feel safe, valued, and un-resented by their partner.
The absence of oral might be telling you something worth looking at that has nothing to do with technique.
Oral Sex, Orgasm, and Ageing: What the Study Found
For both men and women, receiving oral sex was linked to a higher chance of orgasm and greater sexual enjoyment. That’s relevant! Particularly if you’re navigating any of the perimenopausal or menopausal changes that make orgasm harder to reach or less intense than it used to be. If this is you, oral is worth prioritising, not treating as optional extra.
But the real finding is: sexual enjoyment predicted emotional closeness, relationship intimacy, and overall relationship quality. Not the reverse-only relationship you might expect, where a good relationship simply produces good sex as a side effect. The flow runs both ways. Good sex actively builds the relationship, not just reflects how good it already is.
If you’ve been treating oral sex (giving or receiving) as something that naturally tapers off with time, age, or a long-term relationship, this is your evidence that it does more relational work than you give it credit for.
Why This Gets Overlooked
Sexuality changes become more common as people age. Desire changes, arousal takes longer, bodies don’t always cooperate the way they used to or as quickly. People lean into stereotypes like older people just can’t be bothered. But that’s just assumptions, not about what’s actually happening in most long-term relationships.
The research suggests oral sex specifically becomes more valuable exactly when other aspects of sexual function get more complicated, because it doesn’t depend on the same physiological mechanics as penetrative sex and it doesn’t require anyone to be “firing on all cylinders” to still deliver orgasm, enjoyment, and closeness.
In other words: it’s not the thing you stop doing, it actually becomes more important the longer you’re in a relationship and the more your body changes.
How to Bring Oral Sex Back Into Your Relationship
If it’s been a while since you enjoyed oral sex think about why.
- Is it logistics and tiredness?
- Is it a body image thing that’s making one or both of you avoid it?
- Is it resentment that’s making generosity in bed feel like the last thing on the list?
Remember people who feel supported and unstrained give it more. So if it’s dropped off, the question worth asking isn’t “how do we get better at this technically”, it’s “what’s going on in the relationship that’s making this feel harder to offer?”
And if you haven’t “received” for a while, what is stopping you from asking for it? Is it because it feels like an imposition, or you’ve decided it’s “not really necessary at this point”? I would recommend reconsidering. It’s linked to your orgasm, enjoyment, and the closeness of your relationship. That’s not a small trade to walk away from out of politeness.
Ageing doesn’t retire you from any of this. If anything, it puts it back on the table as one of the more reliable ways to stay connected (physically and emotionally) to the person you’re with. This applies whether you’re with one long-term partner or several casual partners.
Good oral sex as you age
If it’s been a while here is your action plan:
- Think about why and then communicate with your partner to understand each other’s point of view. Then take steps to act on the barriers whether they be in the moment intimate ones or non-sexual relationship barriers
- Start to include it back into your routine – it doesn’t need to be a precursor to penetrative intercourse, it’s a stand alone activity too. When it comes to positioning, think about comfortable positions for the giver and receiver. Traditional stereotypical positions may not be comfortable for you anymore but there are plenty of options to make both people comfortable to enjoy the activity.
- Not sure how to do it anymore? Reach out for guidance on technique, but enthusiasm matters more than precision, and your partner will help steer you in the right direction.
- Speak to a Sex Therapist – if you’re struggling to bring this topic up with your partner, or the conversation is nosediving, reach out for personalised support because everyone deserves sexual enjoyment and satisfaction. After all, it helps you live at least 5 years longer!
Oral Sex and Ageing FAQs
For those who want quick answers
Do older couples still have oral sex? Yes, research on couples averaging 71 (men) and 67 (women) found 37% had given or received oral sex in the past 12 months. It doesn’t disappear with age.
Does oral sex actually improve relationships, or is it just about pleasure? Both. Sexual enjoyment from oral sex was linked to greater emotional closeness, intimacy, and overall relationship quality. The benefit isn’t purely physical.
What predicts whether couples still have oral sex later in life? Relationship quality. People who feel more supported by their partner, with less ongoing relationship strain, give oral sex more often meaning it tends to reflect (and reinforce) how the relationship is actually going.
Does receiving oral sex affect orgasm? Yes, for both men and women receiving oral sex was linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm and greater sexual enjoyment overall.
Vanessa Tarfon
Sex Therapist, owner of Authentic Awareness
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