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If your sex life is lacking or boring and you have tried to spice things up unsuccessfully, this is a must-read! Disconnecting from your own body or relationship isn’t unusual in long-term relationships. Disconnecting from your body or partner leads to a boring sex life until someone calls it out. This is how to turn your boring sex life into a fiery fiesta.

Is this you?

  • You talked with your partner about adding spice to your sex life.
  • You sent your partner website links for toys, porn or lingerie but it falls on deaf ears.
  • You’re the only one pushing for things to change.
  • You’re sick of initiating the conversation.
  • You’re stuck because you don’t want this to be your future but you’re not clear on your next move.


Why did my sex life get boring?

Firstly, it’s not unusual for sexual activities to change and our sex lives to go through periods of highs (exploring) and lows (mundane). In life, we go through periods of high and low stress. Stress negatively impacts our libido. The more we become bogged down by life issues and stress the more our libido sinks.

Secondly, as relationships evolve and we develop closer and more loving connections with our partner we become more comfortable. We fart freely, go to the toilet with the door open and aren’t concerned in the slightest about the lack of leg shaving in winter…

Feeling comfortable is fantastic BUT there’s a difference between COMFORTABLE and LAZY.

Thirdly, when life or personal circumstances change it’s easy to disconnect you’re your partner. Major life changes like having a baby, moving house, dealing with elderly parents or personal changes like changing jobs, taking up a class, or experiencing health issues can make us withdraw to navigate our path. In these times connecting as a couple is important for growth.

Society deprioritises sex and pleasure. Sex is last on our daily to-do list and gets bumped by sleep. So it’s easy to see why sex lives are the first to become boring or nonexistent. 66% of mothers are unsatisfied with their sex lives and want to spice things up!


How to spice up a boring sex life?

Boost the romance and non-intimate acts first

If your partner has sex because “you’re in a relationship and meant to” then they lack excitement. No romance or anticipation leads to mechanical, physical sex.

Set the scene well before your sex sessions. Think days and hours prior. Initiate the romantic gestures that get your partner excited, feeling special and loved. For example: buying flowers for no reason, giving a non-sexual massage or leaving hidden love notes. The possibilities are endless but tap into what your partner enjoys and NEEDS.

Buy the damn toy

There’s no need to send links asking, “do you want to try this?” because you’ll either receive no response or an arbitrary agreement. Do YOU want to try it? If the answer is yes, then just buy it! Bring it out before a session and tell your partner you bought something new you’d like to try. If they are uncomfortable trying it then either let your partner watch you use it (they may actually decide to join) or use it on your own. Take control of your sexual pleasure DON’T depend on someone else for your pleasure.

Timing equals success

Don’t try to spice things up when you don’t have time. If you’re having your scheduled Friday night session but you know your partner had a difficult day or is exhausted, now is not the time to experiment. Your partner will reject any change and you will feel annoyed. Don’t rush exploring. Look for occasions when you have time and everyone is feeling relaxed and happy before introducing changes.

Seek a Sex Therapist

Sexual problems are exactly what we are here for. We thrive on helping people resolve these exact situations. If your conversations and efforts are resisted then this is when an objective third party will help discover the barriers to change. Your partner has a reason for their feelings and behaviours. Having an expert ensures your partner feels comfortable openly discussing any issues.


Everyone has the right to sexual pleasure and to live a fulfilling pleasurable life. Like any other area of your health if something is lacking it’s time for a check-up!


Share this blog with your partner to facilitate a conversation.