Low Libido in Women: Causes and Easy Tips to Reignite Sexual Desire
Vanessa Tarfon
1 Nov 2024 – 4 min read
Sexual desire, or libido, is the inner fire that drives you to explore pleasure, fantasy, and connection with yourself or a partner. When your libido is in full swing, it’s what pulls you into the thrill of intimacy and excitement. But what happens when that fire dims, leaving you feeling disconnected or uninterested in sexual activity?
The truth is, low libido is incredibly common, and the good news is – it doesn’t have to stay that way! Let’s break down some common causes and, more importantly, explore easy ways to reignite that spark.
What Can Cause Low Libido?
Low libido can be caused by a mix of physical, psychological, and social factors that impact your body, mind, and relationships. Here are some typical culprits that might be affecting your desire:
Hormones:
Menstrual cycle: PMS symptoms like bloating, cramps, mood swings, and headaches, along with where you are in your cycle, can all dampen desire.
Menopause: Decreased oestrogen leads to symptoms like hot flashes, vaginal dryness, and discomfort during sex, making intimacy less appealing. Add to that the gradual loss of testosterone that started in your 20s, and it’s no wonder you might feel less interested.
Breastfeeding: Prolactin, the hormone responsible for milk production, also tends to lower libido (plus sleep disruption and fatigue!)
Medications: Antidepressants, blood pressure medications, and even birth control can all mess with your sexual desire.
Medical Conditions:
Chronic illnesses: Spinal cord injuries, kidney failure, or conditions like endometriosis, polycystic ovaries, or pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) can directly affect sexual desire.
Painful sex: If intercourse is painful due to conditions like fibroids, prolapse, or infections (like thrush or UTIs), it’s only natural for your desire to decrease.
Psychological Factors:
Mental health: Depression, anxiety, body image issues, or unresolved feelings of guilt or resentment toward a partner can heavily impact libido.
Life transitions: Major changes like motherhood, menopause, relationship issues or career stress can make sex feel like the last thing on your mind.
Sexual Stimulation and Context: Sometimes, it’s the little things – bad lighting, awkward timing, or unrealistic expectations that can sabotage desire before it even starts.
Sex miseducation: Inadequate sexual stimulation or sexual misconceptions can lead to performance anxiety and fears reducing libido as a coping mechanism for emotional protection.
Reasons vs. Excuses: Be Honest with Yourself
Are you genuinely experiencing low libido, or is it more about avoiding intimacy for other reasons?
As motivational expert Gary Ryan Blair said, “The difference between reasons and excuses lies in the results of each…the actions that follow…the repercussions and consequences…as well as how an individual is affected by the events that cause each.”
If you’re not interested in sex, ask yourself: Is this a temporary reason, like stress or physical discomfort, or am I making excuses to avoid intimacy altogether and that little guilt monster is now sitting on your shoulder? Being honest about your feelings can help you understand what’s happening and how to move forward.
Is It Desire Discrepancy or Sexual Boredom?
Here’s another question: Is your libido truly low, or is it just not responding to the type of stimulation that excites you? For many women, desire doesn’t just appear out of nowhere, it often requires an emotional or situational buildup.
- Spontaneous: This is when you suddenly feel aroused in response to sexual stimuli. About 75% of men and 15% of women experience this.
- Responsive: Here, your mind and body need something sexual to respond to, creating a cycle of desire, arousal and reward. This form of desire works for about 5% of men and 30% of women.
Maybe you need more connection, affection, or even practical help around the house before feeling “in the mood.”
Alternatively, your relationship might have fallen into a rut of routine and monotony, leaving sex feeling uninspired. Recognising that boredom is the issue can be the first step in rediscovering excitement.
Good news – it’s all treatable!
How to Begin Reigniting Your Libido
Ready to reclaim your desire? Start with these powerful steps:
Talk to Your Doctor: If you’re over 40, it’s worth discussing your sexual health with a professional. Hormonal changes could be a factor but don’t jump to hormonal therapy before addressing the biopsychosocial factors mentioned above. Often a doctor and sex therapist will work collaboratively with you to reach your goals.
Communicate with Your Partner: If you’re in a relationship, open up about whether your low libido is due to desire discrepancy, genuine low libido (HSDD) or boredom. Honest conversations can create space for understanding and change. Outside the bedroom is the best place to start and programs like Sensual Spark can provide expert guidance for these discussions.
Activate Your Sensuality:
- Start Small: Compliment yourself on something you love or find sexy whenever you pass a mirror. Fostering positive sexual thoughts outside of sexual activity can help shift your mindset.
- Stay Connected: If you have a partner, create intimacy with simple rituals – like a kiss or hug before leaving the room.
- Self-Love: Take a sexy selfie for yourself. Don’t send it, just admire it! Reconnect with your body, and if you’re feeling turned on, enjoy it! Masturbation is a great way to
Your desire is still there! It might just need the right combination of care, connection, and self-love to return to life. You’re in control of reigniting that spark, so take those first steps today!
Vanessa Tarfon
Sex Therapist, owner of Authentic Awareness
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