Masturbation is a subject more taboo than sex! As women, masturbation is not something that is taught or talked about as a “rite of passage” and carries feelings of guilt and shame. But women ARE choosing self-pleasure, AND women in relationships are are choosing self-pleasure over sex with their partner. A choice leaving many conflicted about whether it’s causing relationship problems.

Society deems women’s sexual pleasure and satisfaction within a relationship comes from their partner. But men’s sexual pleasure can come from partner or solo play.

Masturbation is spoken about with negative connotations for women. Surely it means that women only engage in self-pleasure when there is a sexual dysfunction or problem within the relationship.

TRUTH: Self-pleasure is about internal connection and IS NOT dirty.

80% of women in middle to high-income societies masturbate. For those in relationships, 33% of women masturbated less than once a month, compared to 24% of men in relationships masturbating 1-3 times a month.

It’s not hard to understand why women want to masturbate rather than have sex. Reports tell us women in general use self-pleasure to “release sexual tension, for pleasure, to relax, to cope with stress, to get to sleep, as a substitute for partnered sex, and to learn about their own anatomy, desires, and sexual likes and dislikes”.

 

Why mums prefer masturbating instead of having sex with their partner:

  1. Orgasm is faster so the whole pleasure process is more efficient for mums with limited ME TIME. The average woman takes 4 minutes to climax during self-pleasure compared to 20 minutes with a partner.
  2. Minimal effort for greatest gain. Mums are tired, and they know exactly what they need to receive pleasure so why not do it with minimal fuss.
  3. Their partner doesn’t give them pleasure because they don’t use the right technique and 54% of mums fear communicating about sexual problems.
  4. Birth trauma or physical changes leave mums feeling unattractive. They fear their partner seeing their genitals, let alone touching them. Self-pleasure allows them to experience pleasure without any embarrassment, anxiety or nerves.

 

Is there something wrong with me wanting to masturbate rather than have sex with my partner?

No mama there is nothing wrong with you. BUT you do need to ask yourself WHAT drives you to masturbate and WHY do you prefer it over sex with your partner?

If you are avoiding sex with your partner because you are nervous to communicate about sexual dysfunction, feel unattractive and don’t want to be seen, or aren’t attracted to your partner, then you need to delve into fixing your relationship and partner connection.

 

How masturbating enhances relationships?

Self-pleasure increases your overall sexual desire

The more you experience pleasure and orgasm the more you are motivated to engage in sexual activities. Masturbating is a great way to keep your sexual desire awake, including your desire to have partnered sex. They work together NOT against each other.

Sexual Communication

Does your partner know how to pleasure you the right way or what worries you about having sex with them? It’s time to talk it out so they know what’s missing and how to create pleasure. If there are concerns about masturbation in your relationship in general, explain to them that masturbating is about learning your desires and what you like.

Let your partner join in 

Letting your partner watch you masturbate or masturbating next to each other can be a real turn-on. If you feel comfortable it’s time to let them in and amp up everyone’s sex drive.

 

The best reason to NOT be ashamed of self-pleasure?

Masturbation is an excellent hobby because the more you orgasm and experience pleasure the fewer changes you will experience as you age, particularly for women during those perimenopause and menopausal years. So if partnered sex isn’t your thing or doesn’t happen often, then say HELL YES to self-pleasure!

If you need to boost your relationship connection or learn to communicate about sexual dysfunction join the Mama’s Sensual Safari today and let’s do it! 

Author: Vanessa Tarfon