How to stop maternal stress impeding sexual satisfaction
Mums experience high parental stress levels in the first 12 months postpartum and beyond. But did you know that a mother’s high stress levels negatively impact sexual satisfaction for both mum and dad. As I always say:
If Mama’s not happy, no one’s happy.
Mums are taught to practice selfless parenting where their lives revolve around the children, and their self-care is relegated to the backseat. This idea of selfless parenting hasn’t changed despite society’s evolution. Mums no longer have easy access to family or friends to help raise the children so the brunt of childcare is usually placed on mum, with dad crowned as “Assistant Manager”.
Where does this pressure and stress come from?
Mums spend a significant amount of their day undertaking parenting duties, completing more stereotypical household duties, managing their kid’s online presence, and 74% of Australian mothers work. Mums are critiqued by society for their parenting abilities and every choice they make, and self-judge to be the “perfect mum” and “have it all”.
The load on mothers is both physical and mental.
On top of this, mums aren’t given the chance to take a break and recover from pregnancy and birth, revive their sexual self-image (or their self-image as an individual), and worry about their intimate relationship and expectations. When new mums think of sex and intimacy they feel guilt, fear and humiliation.
All these thoughts and feelings stimulate stress and fatigue and sedate intimacy engagement and sexual satisfaction.
How do I separate from daily stress to engage in intimacy?
Ask yourself: What is my sexual self-image?
If the answer is anything like: unhappy, unsatisfied, non-existent or disappointing then know you are completely NORMAL. Better yet, it is possible to change your sexual self-image and be able to swap between being a mum and being a woman. Write down what you would like your sexual self-image to be. What do you want to see and feel when you look in the mirror?
Personal date night to restore and reactivate
The best way to restore calm to your mind and body and reactivate your sense of self is to do it alone. Take as little as an hour each week for yourself. Set a night aside, even after the children have gone to sleep, to do whatever you want. This excludes doing chores, work or partner interaction that night for at least 1 hour. What makes you feel like you? What makes you feel sexy? What makes you feel like a woman?
Sensual self-touch
Every day or other day, gently caress yourself all over and allow yourself to feel each area being touched. Start at the top of your head and slowly work your way down to your toes. You can touch around your genitals but not on your genitals. This is a great exploration to get used to being touched again. It reignites your nerve endings across your body (26% of your body are erogenous zones), and gets your endorphins flowing. This is best done in front of the mirror so you can see your touch and then repeat the process with closed eyes and focus on the sensations of your touch.
Confidence builder
Every day tell yourself one thing that is exceptional about yourself. It can be something you do, something about your personality or something about your body and looks. Tell yourself the same message 5 times over the day and every time you say it lift your head a little higher and put your shoulders back a bit more. Self-validation is key to confidence, and confidence is your best sexual asset.
For guided help join the Mama’s Sensual Safari now.
Sensual self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary, to have the energy and capability to care for others and connect to your partner. Sexual satisfaction for a couple is interdependent and associated with relationship stability. Relationship stability is important for stability within the home so let’s create stable happy homes for our little ones to thrive.
